Local Man Believes Kingfisher is Exotic Beer

Posted 1:35pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Local man and beer connoisseur Arthur Davies has long prided himself on his exquisite taste in beers. Shunning established New Zealand favourites like Tui, Steinlager, and Southern Gold as mere “swill” and “only good for my father to get drunk to before beating me with a Read more...

Fresher’s Toga Has Pockets

Posted 2:12am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Mikaela may be new to Dunedin, but her Toga sure isn’t!  Spotted at Wednesday night’s greco-roman bash, first-year Mikaela sported a handmade toga worn by three generations of family frothers. The sweat encrusted piece included proper waist fashioners, hand sewn leaf drapery, and Read more...

Uni To Open 24/7 Bars In All Student Accommodation

Posted 7:28pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic

In an attempt to prevent students from loitering on the streets at night, Vice-Chancellor Harlene Hayne has announced she will personally install 24/7 bars in all residential colleges, except St Marg’s and Carrington because they are massive nerds. Hayne claimed this move will ensure students Read more...

Local Graphic Designer Pays Rent With Exposure Earned From Latest Job

Posted 7:28pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic

Dunedin graphic designer Charlotte Troyer is absolutely stoked to be paying her first rent check with all that exposure she earned by providing hours of artwork to a new business. “Yeah, it’s great,” Charlotte told reporters. “The company I did the artwork for said that Read more...

Student Gazes Into The Abyss After Being Asked to “Discuss With the Person Sitting Next to You”

Posted 7:29pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic

It was an ordinary day for Rebecca Milnes. She was sitting in her lecture, floating in and out of sleep, contemplating nothing more than which riceball shop to go to for lunch and whether or not the stranger in front of her has nits. Bliss. Then it all went to shit. “Turn to the person sitting Read more...

ODT Reporter Fired After Failing To Include A Single Pun In 10 Consecutive Stories

Posted 7:29pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic

Otago Daily Times local news reporter Barry O’Barrigan was terminated from his position last Thursday following reports that he had been deliberately and maliciously refusing to include wordplay or puns in any of his story headlines. Editor-In-Chief Barry Stewart pointed out one egregious Read more...

David Seymour Says He “Enjoys Dancing and Other Normal Human Activities”

Posted 5:45pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Critic

ACT Party Leader and Entire ACT Party, David Seymour, says he is looking forward to his appearance on Dancing with the Stars. “It will bring me much joy to make movements with my limbs and body to music. Most humans enjoy this and I do also.” The popular TV dancing show was largely Read more...

Clarke Gayford to Step Down from Spending Time with Family to Spend More Time with Family

Posted 5:46pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Critic

Following explosive reports from the NZ Herald that he was “cringey,” and “had an e at the end of his name,” Clarke Gayford has stepped down from his unelected, unpaid public role. “I can’t continue in my position as a ‘guy who likes fishing and banging Read more...

PC Gone Mad? Dunedin High School Bans All RTDs Over 5%

Posted 5:42pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Critic

In a controversial move which has many human rights activists up in arms, Otago Boys’ High School has announced that all RTDs containing over 5% Alcohol will be banned from school grounds. “We’ve had a number of issues with Year 9 students turning up to class off their chops on Read more...

Middle-Aged Meth Head Thinks She Can Fit in at Student Party

Posted 5:44pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Critic

A woman notably older than everyone else has turned up to a low-key student party on Cargill Street. Invited in by some really drunk people at the front gate who failed to notice her faded Monster Energy Drink branded hoodie, she has worked her way into someone’s bedroom and has begun sidling Read more...